Pet, ESA & Service Animal Bereavement Resources
- How To TBI
- Aug 6, 2022
- 7 min read
Updated: Oct 5, 2022
A special thank you to Blue Pearl specialty + emergency vet hospital for compiling this list of resources. Some additional resources have been added, throughout.
SUPPORT
Hotlines:
Pet Loss Support Hotline, Cornell University. Phone: (607) 253-3932
Tufts University Pet Loss Support Hotline. Phone: (508) 839-7966
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Phone: 1-(800) 273-8255
Websites:
Chance's Spot Pet Loss and Support Resources. www.ChancesSpot.org
Pet-Loss. www.pet-loss.net
Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. www.APLB.org
Social Media:
Good Mourning Podcast (instagram)
Griefcase (instagram)
HonouringOurAnimals (instagram)
PVC Coping with the loss of a Pet Support Group (fb)
The Rainbow Bridge Pet Loss and Grief Support (fb)
Memorialization
Online:
Lap of Love. www.LapOfLove.com/pet-memorial
Virtual Memorial. www.Critters.com (since 1996)
Alternative Ideas:
A Living Tribute. Pet Loss Memorial Tree Donation. $10 per tree with a card. https://shop.ALivingTribute.org/collections/a-living-tribute/products/pet-loss-sympathy-gift
Name a Star. Pet Memorial Stars $30-$70 with differing packages. https://NameAStar.com/memorial-stars/pet-memorial/
Plantable Pet Sympathy Card. Seed Paper Memorial Cast Paper. www.CastPaperArt.com
Donate to Animal Welfare Association. www.FrankiesFriends.org
NOTE: The small grants from Frankie's Friends are only awarded directly to vet
hospitals where a practicing vet there makes a recommendation on behalf of a pet
family in financial need. However, vets will tend to only make recommendations
on behalf of this organization for younger animals who are not medically
complicated and who also have a long life expectancy (ex: younger, otherwise
healthy pets, who are struck by a vehicle who need one-time emergency care, and
not for those who are older, sicker, have other health conditions, even if the family
has more acute difficulty financially affording to pay).
Would more strongly recommend, instead, to donate directly as a Pet Angel to those who have medical vet care needs and who are financially struggling to afford them, in real-time, irrespective of animal age, other health conditions, or life expectancy limitations that Frankie's Friends places on grant recipients.
Recommend donating, instead, to Vet Corner Angels: Emergency Funding (fb)
Zero admin fees are taken, there is zero overhead, and donations can sometimes
be made directly on behalf of an animal directly to the vet hospital or practice.
Consider donating pet food to a pet food bank or local community food pantry distribution location for those food insecure individuals most directly in need of support.
Consider commissioning a painting or other work of art of a favorite memory moment with your beloved pet. The fine art painter, Huchen Courouleau, is compassionate, understanding, & does beautiful work with likeness & highly recommend for a commissioned painting of your beloved pet or service animal. They can work together with you on a price that will work for you. https://www.huchencourouleau.com/portraitandpet
Body Care
Burial. Home *check local burial laws* or Pet Cemetary
Cremation. Private or Communal
Local Crematoriums.
Aquamation: eco-friendly options that is water-based, using Alkaline Hydrolysis.
Keepsakes & Urns. Perfect Memorials, Amazon, and Everlasting Memories.
Emotions in the Body
Physical Symptoms
Fatigue
Aches and Pains
Tightness in the chest
Shortness of breath (S.o.B.)
Headaches
Forgetfulness
Inability to focus
Appetite/Digestive changes
Lower immune system
Feelings
Sadness
Anger
Guilt
Shock
Loneliness
Helplessness
Yearning
Relief
Numbness
Thoughts
Disbelief
Confusion
Preoccupation
Envy
Gratitude
Resentment
Denial
Panic
Fear
Disorganization
Frustration
Websites
Youth/Pet Grief
Mimicking Grief for Youth
Allow the child to see you cry and be sad.
Display items symbolic of your pet with items such as toys, treats, photos, and personalized artwork
Create a personalized marker to place outdoors
Creating a journal, scrapbook, or photo album
Allow the child to participate in the final arrangements of the pet's body
As a family, organize a donation drive for a local pet shelter in memory of your pet
Consider involving a school counselor or support
Surviving Pets
If the surviving animal had a close relationship with the newly deceased, you may notice the following grief responses:
Changes in eating habits
Changes in sleep patterns
Retreating from socialization
Withdraw into solitude
Find More Resources:
Coping with the Departure
Acknowledge the reality of the death. Be kind to yourself as you adjust to life without your beloved pet.
Move toward the pain - A healthier grief journey may come from taking your time to work through your feelings.
Continue your relationship through memories - Your memories allow your pets to live on in you.
Adjust your self-identity - Part of your self-identity migt come from being a pet owner. Others may also think of you in relation to your pet. Adjusting to this change is a central need of mourning.
Search for meaning - When a pet dies, it's natural to question the meaning and purpose of pets in your life. Know that it's the asking, not the finding of concrete answers, that is important.
Accept support from others - You need the love and support of others because you never "get over" grief.
Support Groups
Sunday Pet Loss Support Chatrooms. https://PetCloud.pet/sunday-support-groups
Pet Loss Support Group via UTK. www.VetSocialWork.utk.edu/pet-loss-support-group-2
Blogs
Self-Care
Give yourself time, prioritize meeting basic needs & reach out for support.
Physical Wellness
Emotional Wellness
Academic Wellness
Social Wellness
Occupational Wellness
Spiritual Wellness
Environmental Wellness
Financial Wellness
Intellectual Wellness
The Pet Lover's Code
You have the right to grieve the death of a pet. You loved your pet. Your pet loved you. You had a strong and profound relationship. You have every right to grieve this death. You need to grieve this death. You also need to mourn the death (express your grief outside yourself).
You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk about your grief. Other pet lovers who have experienced the death of a pet often make good listeners at this time. If at times you don't feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.
You have the right to feel a variety of emotions. Confusion, anger, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey after the death of a pet. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.
You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. After the death of a pet, your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing things you don't feel like doing.
You have the right to experience "griefbursts." Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but it is normal and natural.
You have the right to make use of ritual. After a pet dies, you can harness the power of ritual to help you heal. Plan a ceremony that includes everyone who loved your pet.
You have the right to embrace your spirituality. At times o floss, it is natural to turn to your faith or spirituality. Engaging your spirituality by attending church or other place of worship, praying, or spending time alone in nature may help you better understand and reconcile your loss.
You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, "Why did my pet die? Why this way? Why now?" Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. Ask them anyway.
You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of a special companion animal. Instead of ignoring your memories, find ways to capture them and treasure them always.
You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief after the death of a pet may not happen quickly. Remember, grief is best experienced in "doses." Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of a beloved pet changes your life forever.
Recommended Reading
Pet Loss Books for Adults
Anderson, M. (2007). Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet.
Anderson, M. (1994). Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet.
Carmack, Betty J. (2003). Grieving the Death of a Pet.
Dolan-Del Vecchio, K. & Saxton-Lopez, N. (2013). The Pet Loss Companion: Health Advice from Family Therapists Who Lead Pet Loss Support Groups.
Friedman, R. James, C. & James, J.W. (2014). The Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss.
Kowalski, G. (1997). Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet.
Quinatana, M.L., Veleba, S.L., King, H.G. (1998). It's Ok to Cry.
Ross, G.J. (2010). A 30 Day Guide to Healing from the Loss of Your Pet.
Sife, W. (2005). The Loss of a Pet.
Wolfelt, A.D. (2004). When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering and Healing.
The Rainbow Bridge
~Anonymous Author
There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth.
It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of all its beautiful colors.
Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place.
There is always food and water and warm spring weather.
The old and frail animals are young again.
Those who were sick, hurt or in pain are made whole again.
There is only one thing missing,
they are not with their special person who loved them so much on Earth.
So each day they run and play until the day comes,
when one suddenly stops playing and looks up!
The nose twitches! The ears are up!
The eyes are staring and this one runs from the group!
You have been seen and when you and your special friend meet,
you take him in your arms and hug him.
He licks and kisses your face again and again -
and you look once more into the eyes of your best friend and trusting pet.
When you cross the Rainbow Bridget together never again to be apart.
Epitaph
~Merrit Malloy
Meditations before Kaddish.
When I die give what’s left of me away to children and old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry, cry for your brother walking the street beside you. And when you need me, put your arms around anyone and give them what you need to give to me.
I want to leave you something, something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I’ve known or loved, and if you cannot give me away, at least let me live on in your eyes and not your mind.
You can love me most by letting hands touch hands, and by letting go of children that need to be free.
Love doesn’t die, people do. So, when all that’s left of me is love, give me away.
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